I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
