whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
