This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
