whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
