Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
