I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
