Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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