I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
