I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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