im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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