omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
