I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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