I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
