How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
