a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
