Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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