So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
