Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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