It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
