No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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