I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
