Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
