So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i dont even know how to be here
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
