Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
