turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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