Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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