Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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