As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
