i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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