He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
