It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
