We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
this will be a night to untag.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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