Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
