i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we're so committed to being not committed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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