My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
