just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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