I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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