so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
