I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
