I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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