Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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