We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
