Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
