whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
