Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
