I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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