Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
