just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
