ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this boner is exhausting
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
