I CAN MOONWALK!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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