And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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